About a week ago I got a notification that my hosting and web domain needed renewing – which has, it part, prompted me to write again. I have been reflecting.
I’ve wanted to write but equally not wanted to write as well but life has a funny way of getting in the way of things.
I’ve already mentioned it to a few friends, but in all honest, I suspect I have spent the last 18 months with a mild, low level kind of depression. Just going through the motions, knowing I should be looking forward to something and being excited while at the same time not actually feeling anything, almost flatlining emotionally through life. It’s taken me a long time to actually realise and properly notice it too and it’s only looking back, and the fact that I am feeling more excited about things that I know something was amiss.
I’m not going to compare it to the level of depression that I know some people have to deal with. It’s been a low lying, sitting in the background for me, that i suspect has been brought on partly from longer last impact of covid and shift of routine as a result and but from also working too hard and trying to do too much.
Anyway, coupled with a new job, and a determination NOT to over work myself – I have purposely not booked in lots of races, cut back on training for a bit and generally cut down on trying to write ‘to do’ lists I feel like I might be coming out the otherside. I’ve also done things I fancy, and not done things I don’t want to and refused point blank to feel guilty about it. I suspect I have been demanding too much of myself and trying to fit too much in.
I have spent the last two weekends away and this weekend just gone I actually felt a bit excited for – and I am actually genuinely starting to feel excite again about things. This bodes well.
I’m looking at races again – and with my Y11s going, and starting to find a routine with the new job -well. Things are looking much more rosy than they have for a while.
May normal(ish) service commence.
The Jilted Triathlete 