‘Dating has taught me what I want and don’t want, who I am, and who I want to be.’ Jennifer Love Hewitt
I was going to blog about my recent adventures to Wales (with a boy) but decided that a broader post about my recent discoveries on dating would help me get some things off my chest – especially after having being present at the recent AGM with the ex – after not seeing him in four months (definitely wasn’t me feeling it that night!)
I joined Plenty of Fish (POV) a few months ago. I knew I probably wasn’t quite ready to date as such but really needed an ego boost. I’m not afraid to say that – I was feeling a bit sorry for myself at the time. Like most people’s experience – it’s been interesting to say the least (both good and bad). And as for it being an ego boost, it has done its job! Dating apps are what you make of them.
I’m going to start with the most positive experience before general observations about what I have learnt so far in terms of dating in general – rather than POF.
Best experience – randomly favourited a profile on POF with no idea what I doing. This lead to an ongoing conversation and ended up with me dating a cyclist for 3 months or so but this has recently fizzled out (I need to go liberate my PJs from his really). This has been the best experience – for more than one reason. Pretty decent lad, even if he could be annoying – no hard feelings on my part for it not working out. Brilliant cycling partner – and for that, and the fact he made me push myself on the bike I shall be forever grateful for. Good overall egg – just not the one for me.
So I have had some dates as a result of POV. The best experience I’ve already mentioned. However, its also lead to awkward dates and helped me realise a few things. The quote at the top of the page is starting to sum up my observations. I am discovering more about what I don’t want and probably finding out more about myself.
The guys in question – nothing really wrong with them at all. They have just mostly been quite dull – that sounds mean and I can imagine talking to girls is quite hard so I am probably being harsh. But in some cases, it’s like trying to get water from a stone.
- Do you need to be asking what I’m doing five million times a day?
- When my days are full and busy – what are you doing with your day? I seem to attract blokes who don’t do much. Or maybe I’m just too busy?
- Why is it always down to me to decide and be proactive on details of a date? Three dates all in a row with one guy have all been my suggestions. Every single one. That is ranty but really? This is one of the redeeming features of the three month guy – he suggested climbing and doing things. I am the proud owner of a pair of climbing shoes and have discovered I rather like bouldering!
This last point is bugging me the most at the moment.
What do I actually want then?
I’m a different person since my ex left me – and for the better I think. My friends have all noticed a difference. I am learning what it is I want in life I suppose and this is filtering through in what I value in a potential partner too. Preferably someone who is active in terms of at least cycling or running, someone who has things to say – interested in the world. Someone who doesn’t need mothering and rinses the bath out (and keeps at least the kitchen clean). Someone who asks how my day is going and is genuinely interested/remembers what is going on in my life but also wants to share what is going on with them, however random. I think I’m just finding dating more exhausting that actually being in a relationship (read comfort zone I suppose).
After speaking to some mates in the last week or so, I am debating giving up on the dating front for a bit. Partly due to being a bit fed up with dullness but also due to time. I must be the most infuriating person to date because I am so busy and I don’t think the next eight or nine months will be any better!