Tag: Swimming

Triathlon X Half Relay Antics

‘Empathy is about finding echos of another person in yourself’ Mohsin Hamid

I’ve rewritten this post more times than I care to remember before publishing. For various reasons – including being too wordy! September was a very busy month – three out of five weekends saw me travelling to the Lake District, all because of some link to the Tri Club, so not all bad.

So, why was I back in the Lakes?

The last Bank Holiday in August, a group of us went open water swimming. Not an usual event considering we’re triathletes, but this time, one of my friends – who doesn’t like swimming at the best of times, had a mini panic attack in the water. This led to a conversation about the fact that she had signed up to Triathlon X half and how she felt she couldn’t do it anymore. Two of us offered to do it for her if she could do it in relay. That turned out to be me. I had planned to come up anyway to cheer her on as I had nothing else on. So a couple of emails back and forth later and I was entered into Triathlon X half to do the swim! Now, TriX has a reputation. It is possibly the hardest triathlon (half and full) in the world. I definitely had the easy part. To put it in perspective, I was done with the swim by 8.44 – she was only finishing at 5pm – and she is an Age-group standard athlete for duathlon. If you want to see the elevation involved, I would just go search it if I were you.

Back to the race planning  – after a few conversations back and forth, I booked my own accommodation. It’s the first time I’ve stayed in a YHA on my own in a dorm room. I wasn’t sure what to expect but it was actually ok. It is nicer having your own room but for £27 and to be located right next to the start line, I wasn’t going to complain. I hadn’t booked breakfast knowing that I would be swimming and up early (6am to be precise). I also didn’t check out when I left for the swim. Knowing I’d be finished before 9am, I decided to wait so after swimming I could go get a shower. This turned out to be the best plan ever – who doesn’t want a warm shower after swimming in a cold lake?!

Drinking coffee and eating some oaty breakfast bar I heading over to transition and met my friends. Dressing in neoprene – literally head to toe – hat, gloves, booties as well as wetsuit was more than novel compared to normal. I had been feeling ok about the swim until the night before. Then nerves started to kick in. Although I’ve been swimming again more regularly, this was going to be my longest continuous swim since Leeds Tri in June (1500m) and the water was a lot colder than I normally like to swim in.

The actual Swim 

I can now say I have a far better understanding of what my mate feels about OW swimming.

Not that I am not empathetic – just that I have a better understanding and wish there was more I could do to help her.

Water temperature was 13.3 degrees. Coldest I’ve been swimming in for a long time, especially any distance! It was definitely warmer than it was in April though. It was a deep water start and there was about 135 of us but there wasn’t too much of a washing machine effect as normal – although I started near the back. I spent the first 3/400m wondering what on earth I was doing? Debated getting out, decided I hated OW swimming, wondered how I was going to make it all the way round etc etc. It was awful. I’m not usually negative when I’m swimming but the first part was just awful. If this is even a fraction of how those who dislike/hate swimming feel – wow. This was bad enough and I am a fairly confident swimmer and love being in the water normally.

I finally found some sort of rhythm after I got past the first triangular buoy at about 800m and started to enjoy it. I was surprisingly warm (thank you neoprene!) and took it steady – to try and save my shoulder. The last 200m were cold and long but I was apparently smiling when I got out. Was a bit annoyed with myself as my time was 44.17 and I know full well I could have done a sub 40. My mini stress at the beginning and have to physically stop a couple of times to sight properly and get my bearings definitely didn’t help. My shoulder still isn’t perfect either but it’s only twinging a bit at the moment. I really need to rest it up I think and make sure I keep stretching it out.

I will point out though, that I was smiling when I got out – and dare I say it, I finally managed to enjoy it!

Racing in relay

Racing in relay was new, but the nature of the race (see comments about about elevation), meant I was actually quite glad I’d finished. I definitely feel I had the easiest part of the race. There was a picture of my friends stood watching the swim looking so worried. It turns out they actually were. A few got out during the swim and DNF’d – that worried them. The temperature worried them. My mates nerves got to her. The picture in question is worthy of a caption competition to be fair!

I got out of the water and hung around long enough to see my friend disappear up the road on her bike and I went and got a shower and changed. It was going to be quite a long day. I wasn’t completely on my own though. My day consisted of eating and drinking and generally wandering about until about 5pm when my friend finished. I do not know how she did it, and I am in genuine awe of her achievements. She is so unassuming, quiet and quite shy – I don’t think she realises her own strength, stubbornness and determination. I suppose that’s why I love her, and was more than happy to jump in a cold lake for her. I’d do it again too!

Ellerton Park – Swim little fishes swim!

‘Swimming has its educational value – mental, moral, and physical – in giving you a sense of mastery over an element, and of power of saving life, and in the development of wind and limb.’ Robert Baden-Powell

Swimming, over the last few months, has been a blessing and a heart saver. A lot of my friends swear by running as cheap therapy but for me, it’s always swimming. My swim set, how much I swim, where I swim, how much effort I put in – the ability to actually swim ‘mastery over an element’ is my therapy. I really can switch off when I swim and focus on the moment and what I am doing. It has helped my mental wellbeing after everything that’s happened and it has helped my physical body get physically fitter. Not so sure about the moral benefits, other than being able to take the moral high ground after an early morning set before work!

As such, I always feel the need to share my love of swimming and finding little gems. Today, myself and seven other club members headed over to Ellerton Park to go and swim. My friend wanted to so we opened it up to the club and in the end eight of us rocked up to swim.

For those who haven”t heard or been to Ellerton Park, it is not far from Scorton, Richmond in North Yorkshire. It really is a hidden little gem! Clean, quiet and open all day – what is not to love?

I really should have asked everyone how far they swam in order to get a grand total – I know that I did four laps (my longest OW swim of the year at 2.3km) and that one mate did 11 laps, and another 5, so theres 20 between three of us. I also heard later on that another club member had gone across in the afternoon and enjoyed it.

It was a bit of a trek to Ellerton Park from home, however, as I think I’ve mentioned before – I think it will become important in next year as I train for my planned A race of the season. Apart from been clean and quiet – it has, as stated above, long opening hours. It is definitely worth a trip.

Quick run down….

Location – Ellerton Park, Scorton, Richmond, North Yorkshire, DL10 6AP

Cost – £5, cash only.

Facilities – Changing/shower room, steps into the water, burger van (varied opening hours – so don’t count on it!), not far from local cafe though, with Tri-ology located above it.

Spotters/lifeguards – no. Definitely worth taking a tow float/mates to spot.

Swim loop – 530m loop around 3 buoys, clockwise, can get a bit choppy.

Opening times – If I remember rightly, the season is usually March to September, and opening hours at rough 9 to 6, give or take an hour. I’ll try to double check next time I’m up there – but regardless – you can swim all day if you want!

Water quality – really highly rated – and you can tell when you get in! No pool/lake fever for me at all. Definitely a major selling point.

Parking – yep – and a decent amount of it too.

Other important info – Can be weedy, going off past experience, spring water fed so although warm when sun has been on it, can be cooler quite quickly. Usually pretty clear. Quite deep – you cannot stand up unless you swim right to the side, and even then it is only a small ledge. You may find yourself swimming over divers and occasionally some boats may be in there. They only accept cash! This is also a venue for a local midweek sprint triathlon too.

Trying new things!

So in the theme of travelling, training and triathlon, my trip out yesterday saw a mixture of these things come together. Having been at Ellerton Park on Saturday and seeing just how glorious the lake was, I headed back there yesterday with a friend to actually swim. I might as well make most of having a week off work.

It is only £5 to swim and the beauty of this spot is that it is open all day nearly, every day. Perfect for the likes of me who don’t work all day every day! The water is so clean and clear (and really quite warm at the moment too) and it’s deep too. The course is marked out with three buoys, which you swim around clockwise. That’s it. There are no spotters or life guides so I bought a new tow float (I used to borrow his but, obviously this isn’t an option now). I felt better for knowing I had it, and that one of my friends was keeping an eye out. It was bliss! I’m lucky that I have a lake very close by to swim in, but for my plans for next year, I really think, despite the distance, this may be my lake of choice! I need to go check out Blue Lagoon though too. It was so nice being in the wetsuit again and out swimming rather than being in the pool. Even my friend managed to get in, despite doing no OW Swimming in nearly a year. There are showers and toilets, as well as a cafe near by. What else could you want or need? Having not eaten very much, I only did 2 laps (still struggling with eating) around the lake before swapping with my friend, but it was just nice to be out!

Later on though, there was a second appointment with a track session. I always said I wouldn’t do track, but I am conscious I am not a particularly speedy runner and I need to work on it. But boy – what a shock to the system that was. I knew it would be hard but I really need to up my running. I nearly hurled a few times but then I pushed myself harder than I would have done if I’d been on my own. I’m suffering today though as well. One of the coaches did say you need to be averaging 15 miles running a week to make most of track sessions. Best start upping my running and find some better trainers. I have sore calves and blisters this morning and I’m supposed to be running tonight.

I really hope that in a few months time I can report some more success in my running in general.

Second Shock and Recovery

I have not broken your heart…you have broken it; and in breaking it, you have broken mine. – Emily Bronte, Wuthering Heights

It’s been a mixed few days. Monday was a horrible day, the shock of Sunday was still raw, I hadn’t eaten at all in days (well, not properly) and I nearly passed out at work. Tuesday was a far better day, although that could be because it started with a good, decent swim. Swim does that to me. Today, Wednesday, has been reasonably ok – I’ve even had my regular customers as well as friends checking up on me, making sure I’m eating. So that’s a current round up of where I am physically. I am gradually managing to eat a bit more, and keep it in too – I am managing some training too. Emotions have been a roller coaster though but to relate it to sort – recovery seems to be kicking in – but I would like to feel happy again. Soon preferably.

I’ve tried not to over think or dwell too much on events. I was a state on Monday, finding out he had lied and that there was another woman involved, worse that it was who I expected. This brings us to the quote above. I didn’t break his heart – he head was turned, it was him who didn’t try to prevent his feelings or work on his feelings for me – relationships do take work, and clearly with him, loyalty, trust and faith in what we had being real, wasn’t enough, but in doing this, his heart ‘breaking’, not loving me enough, he has completely broken mine. The pain is still raw and I have never felt pain like it.

My feelings have shifted to anger in one respect. Part of me hopes that he will live to regret what he has done but I suspect he won’t. The shock is wearing off now – I need to start trying to look forward. Speaking to friends, and the support they have given, has been amazing. I could sit here all day and write about how angry I feel at the moment with everything and how much I hurt – and I was going to. Especially yesterday, but today, has been better, I’m also annoyed that I have tried emailing him to sort out the booked holiday and got nothing back. The sooner we get things sorted the sooner I can cut ties.

Today I have eaten, I have started thinking about future races and plans. I have been to the gym, bumped into a friend there and got a S&C plan in place. I’m going to sit down at the weekend and figure out what to do next – or at least gather some ideas. Whether that’s teaching abroad, taking on a tutoring business, travelling or something completely different. I am trying hard to keep busy and think about the future and all the things I could do that maybe I couldn’t before. I need something to focus on and joining the gym is the start of that.

Looking forward, far enough to the weekend at least, I’ve some good plans – off SUP-ing with my cousins on Saturday (my core is going to hurt on Sunday) and catching up with a friend and race planning for next year on Sunday. I’m off work next week too,  The world is my oyster I suppose – and who knows what might happen? Hopefully my next posts will be more training focused rather than moping, feeling sorry for myself!

But sport may just prove to be my saving grace.

Tears, training and time trails.

A mixed week of tears and training, and a pretty hard Time Trail.

When you lose someone, you get used to living day to day without them. But you’ll never get used to the “10 second heartbreak.” That’s the time it takes to wake to full consciousness each day and remember. – Nina Guilbeau

The depressing, sad bits first – the stuff I need to get off my chest…. tears…..

So yesterday marked two weeks since he left me. Shock wore off last week. I suppose I am going through the phases of grief and dipping in and out of the different stages. I seem to be able to wake up and know whether it’s going to be a better day or whether it will be a bad day, even on day’s where I am trying desperately to keep busy. Sleep is oblivion – then waking up and breaking old habits is hard. He was the first person I’d text or want to talk to on a morning and thats gone. I’ve got to the stage where I am just missing him so much.

I have been on the brink of tears on and off all week. Managed to hold off until driving home from a TT on Thursday. Then the flood gates opened. The pain is still very much there, and still very much raw. I think the emotion of struggling more than I thought I would on the TT didn’t really help matters either even with good support. The same day, I’d been out for lunch with a friend, and she’s the only one who has asked me if I would consider getting back with him if he asked. In truth, I hadn’t given it much thought. I had hoped that it was something that would pass and we’d sort out but in reality, I don’t think there is any chance of that, so I hadn’t given it much consideration. It hurts that he is just throwing eight years away – his words were ‘its too late’ – well that is because he never said anything sooner, and he clearly doesn’t think we have anything worth fighting for. But there are conversations that still need to be had, and tomorrow I shall be off to see him. It won’t be pleasant, and it won’t be easy, but needs must for both of us. I am genuinely very worried about IMUK next weekend.

On a slightly more positive note – training and Time Trials…

Despite this, some good things have happened. Eating is still proving an issue – not keeping anything in much and appetite is still dire. I am now on 9lbs lost and under 10 stone for the first time in I don’t know how long. This is more of an issue as I’ve been possibly more active this week in an attempt to keep busy.

Yoga on Monday as normal – all good – although hot and sweaty. I swam Tuesday morning (1400m early doors wasn’t bad going considering I only had just over half an hour). Wednesday I ran, with friends, and ended up getting an invite to go up in a plane! Thursday I cycled in from my friends to the bike shop in town to finally get the Ridley fitted (not too many alterations actually) before cycling back for lunch. Lunch then work, then I was persuaded into doing one of the local hilly TTs.

I say it was a hilly TT, but it is more rolling hills and undulating. A bit lumpy. I was zapped of energy. You really feel the whole struggling to eat when you want to race! I managed it – 13 miles – in 46 min 12s (in my head I thought it was 10 miles, more fool me!). Slowest out of everyone but ah well. Friday – I managed my longest swim since way back last year – 2800m. A proper full swim set! Stomach was seriously empty by end of it and growling at me. Think this swim has been one of the highlights of the week to be honest. Just needed to bash it out without thinking too much.

The other biggish thing, going forward into my new found singledom, is my decision to try joining a gym again. This time, one with two pools and plenty of classes. I’ll admit it has cost me a small fortune and with a few other bits and pieces, and MOT/Car insurance bills due in the next two months, i need to rein in the spending but I think it will be worth it and help give me something to focus on in the next two months. It’s also same gym my friends have joined which means I can go with them too rather than swim on my own. Added advantage of the gym I’ve joined is that I can use my fins and paddles. There are NO WORDS for how excited this makes me! I’ve also started thinking about, and discussing with friends, races for next year. The calendar has been out and things are getting pencilled in as possibilities.

My head knows things will get better eventually. My heart is taking its own sweet time to catch up.

Finding headspace

Heading up North to prove you can travel on your own and be ok, despite a broken heart and an old car!

There are things that we don’t want to happen but have to accept, things we don’t want to know but have to learn, and people we can’t live without but have to let go.
– Anonymous

The weekend following the conversation and splitting up with the ex was hard, and this week was made that bit harder as I was supposed to be racing this weekend with him at a 24 hour endurance race that promised to be a lot of fun. I just couldn’t face doing it, especially as my emotions, I’ll admit, are still fluctuating between anger and grief. So it seemed like a sensible idea to do something completely different.

So I booked a night away at a B&B in my favourite part of the world – Northumberland. I muted references to the race and certain people I follow on Facebook, deleted the Strava app off my phone and after having late breakfast/early lunch with one of my friends, drove the 2 and a half hours North to Wooler.

I had a fantastic drive. I’d updated some of the CDs in my car to something more upbeat than normal (apparently, my normal taste in music is depressive). The traffic was good and for the first time in well over a week, I felt genuinely quite cheery. I used to love driving, but over the last few years, I didn’t do much of the longer distance stuff and left it to him. I decided to stop worrying about the car – if it broke down, I was in the AA and I had my credit card with me. Turns out car was brilliant and probably just needed a good long drive itself – my old tank of a Volvo was definitely made for cruising!

I arrived about 5ish, stayed long enough at the B&B to dump my bags and freshen up a bit before heading off to Salt Water Cafe in Beadnell for my tea. I’d planned on doing my favourite things while I was here in an attempt to cheer myself up and claim them as my own, making new memories and all that jazz. Tea was lovely but, being on a heartbreak diet and having no appetite, meant I just couldn’t finish it. I wandered down to the harbour – it was too nice an evening not to, before heading off to Alnwick for a twilight swim. Keeping myself busy so far was working.

img_8588Saturday was a bit of a different matter. Managed to push down some breakfast and had a lovely chat with a couple who were cycling. Checked out and headed over to Alnwick to mooch around the beautiful Alnwick Garden. Despite being busy, I managed to find a quiet place of solitude on a hanging swing, so sat, wrote in my diary and read a little. Hunger pangs started and I went into town in search of food, managed to eat and then headed to Barter Books. So far, travelling and holidaying solo going ok – a few moments of wanting to have a weep nearly creeping in.

The afternoon was the hardest, having head space is all well and good (and being all that way from home, on my own, proving to myself I could go it alone so to speak, was a good thing) but you can be alone with your thoughts and feelings too long, and the walk up to Dunstanburgh Castle proved to be quite hard. Last time I did it, the ex and I ran it. It’s one of my favourite castles too. All this lead to was a complete mash of emotions and probably proved hardest part of the day. I walked to the top of one of the towers – and could feel light-headness kicking in. This is unusual and I’m not sure how much of this to contribute to not eating enough verses emotional feelings. For the first time in a while, I was glad to be back in the car and heading back towards Beadnell. I was determined to get some form of run in, having taken my kit to run as well as the fact I had backed out of a race I’d been looking forward too (I have since debated whether I should have just gone and done it to make him feel awkward – though I might have felt awkward too and it wouldn’t have been fair on everyone else in the team).

Running is hard. Really hard. Especially when I’ve barely run in a month. But run I did. Only 4.5km around the village and along part of the beach. But I think it helped. I switched off a bit as I was more bothered about how hard this running was! Sport and exercise are definitely good therapy. By the time I’ got back to my starting point, I felt somewhat better and went to paddle in the sea before consuming ice cream. Deciding it was time to head home, I rung home to tell them when to expect me.

The drive home was different again to the drive up. On the way up, I had stopped at a friends for lunch, stopped at the services for a drink and obligatory loo stop and then headed up, sun shinning, music blasting, determined to enjoy it. The drive home was different. It was an easy drive (I think football was on), there was little traffic and no really hold ups apart from the odd average 50mph zone. It was nearly a straight drive back at 70mph cruising. So much for the easy bit. Concentrating on driving meant little time for thinking about feelings, especially with music playing, but I made the mistake of driving right down to the A1/A64 turn off, past the turn off for the race I should have done, and bang! Emotion overload. Coupled with the fact that my sunburn was kicking in, I was actually glad to be home. I’d been away, on my own, mostly enjoyed it, and more importantly, survived without tears.

The biggest revelation? Not having to consult others or wait for anyone while travelling is quite liberating if you don’t mind your own company. I think it is going to take me a while to just readjust to not having to consider others wants and feelings quite as much.

And try as I might, I still missed him and I still had the same questions spinning around my head but for a while at least, everything was ok. I know there is light at the end of the tunnel, and my head knows things happen for a reason. In the mean time, I am still going to continue nursing a broken heart.